May The World Burn
Today is not your day. You try to see the colours of life, but to no avail. Either an omnipresent entity has painted the sky grey, or you’ve overdone the eyeliner.
You can’t seem to speak without internal criticism, you can’t seem to breathe without hearing your own negative opinions. Sitting still makes you feel like a loser, moving about rudderless makes you feel like a fool.
Today is the day that you are done with this earth and every organism inhabiting it. How divine it would be for the world to grow massive male genitalia, so it could go and fuck itself.
Fuck butterflies, rainbows and smiling faces. Today calls for nicotine, fast food, alcohol and any drug that gets you intergalactic. You are wanting to lift off. A hedonistic astronaut. There is no space for anything that doesn’t defy gravity.
You vigorously contemplate whatever it is that makes you feel this way. You know that reminiscing opens the gates to the cerebral madhouse, while striving for a better emotional state seems like an unrewarding vicious cycle. It is as if choosing between drowning in sorrows and swimming circles in mental quicksand.
You know you should be focussing on progress. You know you should be pushing through all of it. But implementing that knowledge is a task you can’t be bothered to execute at this moment. And that’s fine for now.
Here are some generic truths for you: You might not feel okay, but as a human being you are okay. Everyone messes up from time to time. All these extrinsic matters can only hurt you if you choose to let them. Opinions are motivational fuel for the gas tank. A bad situation does not equal a bad life. Failure and setbacks are part of the process going forward, and this will only be the final destination if you decide to let it be.
Grant yourself this moment of perplexity. Play the song you like, dance as you please, hit the punching bag, get your favourite coffee, let the phone be for a bit, lay down and breathe, laugh, cry, shave your head, or masturbate to get it out of your system - whatever.
Once you are done: pick yourself back up. And instead of wanting to see the world go up in flames, be a masochistic pyromaniac, and light a fire under your own ass.
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I wrote a novel! It’s available at: Amazon (Headfirst - Vic Koopmans)
Picture by: Marco Allasio