Gym Bros And Couch Sloths

#15 - Camp Don't Kill Yourself

One hand in the bag of crisps, one hand on the remote control. As you swallow the strawberry flavoured candy, you refill your mouth with the salted potato slices. You are one responsible adult, making sure that you’re eating your fruits and vegetables.

A sip of beer sends the crisps down the alcohol infused waterslide into the esophagus. Sugar plunges into the bloodstream, and your head slightly tilts to find the sweetest spot on the pillow.

While somewhat watching television you scroll through your phone, all on automatic pilot. More asses, more supposed profound quotes, more celebrities smiling, more lives you wish you were leading. You’re glancing at both devices to ensure that the brain rot you’re so eager to obtain spreads out evenly.

You considered getting up from the couch. But this is your spare time after a day of hard work, or a day of nothingness. You either feel like you deserve this moment, or are too caught up in apathy to switch positions. All those lean athletes and gym rats on your screen can preach whatever they want, lifting weights and suffering on a treadmill is the opposite of your idea of fun.

However, it wouldn’t hurt.

Right now you’re as stiff as a board. Walking up a pair of stairs makes your knees wonder if they’ve ever been used before. Stepping on the scale would be redundant. A look in the mirror will provide you with the answer you would rather not be given. And lastly: with this approach you’re not getting anywhere in life - not anywhere you would like to be anyway.

In between sighing and self pity you come up with a bunch of excuses:
“I’m too depressed.” Well, this will ease the burden.
“I’m too tired.” So, pick a time slot that’s more convenient.
“I’m too anxious.” Go walking, running or cycling by yourself.
“I’m too frustrated.” Go box, hit a punching bag.
“I’m too awkward.” No-one is, everyone was a beginner at some point.
“I’m too scared.” Don’t be. There will only be humans there - that’s a promise. Grizzly bears are prohibited from entering.

Consider switching your current addictions for healthier ones. Addictions that will allow you to grow. It doesn’t have to be a gym, there are hundreds if not thousands alternatives available. Meet new friends, release endorphins, feel better, use it as catharsis and accomplish something.

Slowly move your finger towards the off-button on the remote control and press it. Put your phone away. Get up - not too quick now, you don’t want to injure yourself. Grab your shoes, lace them up, open the front door, take a deep breath and walk outside.

It might not resolve it all immediately, but it’s a first step towards a better life. And that is something you deserve.

Picture by: Pixabay