Alone In The Crowds
Alone in the crowds, that’s when loneliness hits the hardest.
It is not behind closed doors where you can pretend the world doesn’t exist. It is outside, where everyone is seemingly enjoying life. Loved up couples, families appreciating each other’s company, and friends laughing about whatever. Meanwhile you stand alone, solo in a room full of multiplayers.
Maybe you assumed that getting out from behind the curtains would make you feel better. That being amongst other people would solve your mental puzzle. However, all it does is emphasize how lonely you actually feel.
Now, there you are, out in public. Desperate for some interaction, while dreading the idea of it. The prime example of ambivalence. Torn between the ease of staying where you don’t want to be, and the frightening prospect of traveling a road unknown, full of hurdles that will lead to your desired destination. You have a clear view of what you want, but, by god, does it lay far out of your comfort zone.
So you go for another stroll. Determined to change. You push the shoulders back, smile, and recite a number of positive affirmations. You act as if you’re enjoying every footstep confirming your loneliness. But you are not fooling anyone, least of all yourself.
Rearranging your posture and positive thinking are a start, not the solution. You’ll have the same amount of interactions as before and you’ll arrive home the same person, in the same situation, with the same feelings.
The answer is obvious. You know exactly what to do. You need to invest in yourself. You need a change of ways and build confidence and comfort through trial and error. The roadmap to social succes most likely frightens you to death.
That being said: get out of the house for a second, if you’re at work, go on a walkabout during your break. Purely for the sake of breathing fresh air. And don’t let others’ joy affect you too much.
They might experience your feelings at a different moment, they might have already been down that road, they might be more fortunate, or maybe they are a completely different person. Don’t compare. Merely acknowledge and continue.
When you get back inside, go do what you’re supposed to do and strive to become who you want to become. The more you have your life in order, the less dreadful it becomes to walk alone.
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I wrote a novel! It’s available at: Amazon (Headfirst - Vic Koopmans)
Picture: Jeswin Thomas