8 MUST KNOW Tips To Stay Depressed

#11 - Camp Don't Kill Yourself

Do you loathe life? Do you hate everything you have, or rather haven’t, established for yourself? Or is this a scenario that appeals to you? Be sure to read these tips on how to maintain your depression and worsen it.

1. Whine about it.
People saying that looking for solutions instead of verbally repeating your misery might serve you better, need to lube up their fist and should go fuck themselves. Endlessly talking, not doing anything about it, is to be preferred over pragmatism

2. Never change your game plan.
Obviously you want to achieve the same results over and over again. Therefore you should not, under any circumstance, adjust your approach. To keep losing, stay a loser.

3. Seclude yourself.
Fresh air is overrated (as is the word overrated). All those that have graduated in the medical field and have a ton of knowledge about health are full of shit. They don’t have your best interest at heart. It’s a scheme. They want you to leave the house, so they can feed you to The Manbearpig. Lock the doors, stay inside.

4. Don’t reach out.
If you think that sharing thoughts and feelings might be a good idea you are an idiot. Sharing might lead to a resolve. Don’t do it. Bottle it all up until you go mad.

5. Ignore people that are trying to help you.
Here they come with their “well intended words” and their nauseating “positivity”. Don’t listen. Instead, focus on those that confirm every phrase you utter.

6. Take life and everything in it serious.
It doesn’t matter that you are out here on a globe spinning around in a forever expanding universe so impressive that you could never comprehend its magnitude. Act as if every move you make and every opinion you hear is of significance. Never forget: people are super important and some people are even more important than others.

7. Blame everyone but yourself.
Staying depressed is an under appreciated art form. To stay depressed it is essential to adopt the victim mentality at all times. Everything is being done to you. Bad day at work? Your boss and colleagues are culpable. Lousy date? It’s all them. Your intensity, negativity and neediness are not the problem.

8. Go all out with homeopathy.
Doctors? Psychologists? Psychiatrists? What on earth do they know? Bunch of capable professionals. Go visit your acquaintance that took a 3-day reiki-course. Pay a ton of money to that shaman with the fancy advert full of spelling errors. Don’t trust the knowledgeable, trust the Tarot cards.

Hopefully this list helps you to maintain your depression. If for some reason you wish to improve your mental state and situation, you can do the exact opposite of the aforementioned.

For more tips: paint your face, put a red foam ball over your nose, find a mirror and question your cerebral capacity.

Disclaimer: These tips are based on absolutely no useful information whatsoever. Anyone that wishes to implement these tips in their daily life should study the definition of natural selection.

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